I dare you Part 2
by Alucard's little sister
Summary: The Hellsing crew to random dares. Read, reveiw and enjoy
1. To play on a 'Hellsing Idol'

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing and I don't own the songs in this chapter and I don't own American Idol (and Far Far Away Idol of Shrek two) There are too many different songs to name the all the Artists who did them.

Alucard's little sister: During this dare Walter is on vacation. For all you great loyal fans I dare you was kicked off the site for spelling errors. So, I'm starting again in what I call, part 2 with the last two chapters from 'part 1'. Please enjoy as I still try to recover from that.

Integra: keeping a stiff upper lip might help you with that.

To play on a 'Hellsing Idol'

Alucard goofed off while pretending to look in the bathroom mirror as Pip was taking a shower. As soon as Pip turned off the water, he started singing of key:

_I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,_

_I can see all obstacles in my way_

_Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind_

_It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)_

_Sun-Shiny day._

Exiting the shower, he ran right into Alucard. "Hey! Can't I get any privacy!" he snapped. "Go away and bug someone else!"

"You know most people sing while they're in the shower" said Alucard. "Whatever, you just made me think of a dare. Get Sir Hellsing, Seras and Josephine and meet me in the TV room." With that he disappeared though into the floor.

"This better be good or someone's going to pay," growled Integra, as they waited for Alucard. "There are things that need to be done since Walter's not here."

As they started talking to one another about what the _No Life King_ was planning, he walked in with a microphone and a piece of paper. "For all you brave souls, I dare you to sing in an American Idol like thing I call, Hellsing Idol!" he said. "It would be on a stage in front of ALL of the soldiers and they will _vote_ on who is the best singer! You get to pick your favorite song. So, who's in?"

"Alright, fine," they said, one right after the other.

**Later that night**

All of the Hellsing soldiers were in the backyard sitting in front of a large stage with paper in their hands. Some of them were muttering things like 'what's going on here?', 'what's with the stage?' and 'man, I think Sir Hellsing's really lost it.'

The other night maid, Amie, walked on to the stage to the microphone making the soldiers silent. "Hello and welcome to the first Hellsing Idol!" she said. "Tonight, we are going to hear songs by Seras Victoria, Sir Integra Hellsing, Pip Vernedead, Alucard & Josephine. Then you guys get to vote on who's the best singer! So get ready as we start with…Seras Victoria!"

The soldiers cheered as Seras nervously walked on to the stage and over to the microphone. "_Ok, this it, oh man, I hope I don't mess up_," Seras thought. "_I just have to remember what Pip said. All I have to do is pretend that no one is here. That I'm all by myself_."

Amie tapped Seras on the shoulder. "You can start singing whenever you're ready," she said. Then she left the stage.

"Ok, here I go," Seras said, then started singing.

_I've got it all, but I feel so deprived_

_I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside_

_Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing_

_And why can't I let it go_

_There's gotta be more to life..._

_Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me_

_Cause the more that I'm..._

_Tripping out thinking there must be more to life_

_Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more_

_Than wanting more_

As Seras sang, Josephine started biting her nails. She went over to Alucard. "Master, Alucard, Sir," she said. "I-I don't think I'll be able to do this. I get stage fright so easily."

Alucard rolled his eyes "Then don't think about what you're going to do for a while," he muttered "Besides I'm going up there with you."

"Very good, Seras," said Amie, as she clapped along with the audience. "Alright, next up is…Sir Hellsing!"

Not as many people clapped as Sir Hellsing walked on stage as with Seras. When she got to the microphone, Integra shooed Amie away. "Alright, now it's my turn," she said as she took off her glasses. To everyone's shock she sang:

_I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_

_You're living in the past it's a new generation_

_A girl can do what she wants to do and that's_

_What I'm gonna do_

_An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation_

_Oh no not me_

_An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation_

_Never said I wanted to improve my station_

_An' I'm only doin' good_

_When I'm havin' fun_

_An' I don't have to please no one_

_An' I don't give a damn_

_'Bout my bad reputation_

"I knew she could sing," Alucard muttered. "That's what I love about this Master, she's the best singer."

Josephine put her hand on her head "Oh, man we're doomed!" she whinnied.

Everyone cheered as Integra left the stage and Amie went back to the microphone. "That's Sir Hellsing. The last person anyone ever thought could sing" she said. "Next up, we have… Pip Verendead!"

Everyone seemed to be nervous as Pip walked over to the microphone. "Quick plug your ears!" cried Seras. He started singing but way off key:

_Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day _

_You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. _

_Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town _

_Waiting for someone or something to show you the way. _

Josephine and Seras covered their ears as Alucard covered his eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick." They all muttered.

Sir Hellsing looked at Pip like a squeamish person looks at an operation. "That is the worst singing I've heard since the last Sir Hellsing (my father)," she muttered.

"That…was…ok," said Amie "And now last, but not lest….Alucard & Josephine!"

No could believe that Alucard was singing and singing with someone else. They got ready for anything. "What is he doing?" demanded Hellsing.

Alucard sang:

_what i like about you  
you hold me tight  
tell me im the only one wanna come over tonight  
keep on whispering in my ear tell me all the things i wanna hear  
cuz its true thats what i like about you   
thats what i like about you_

Josephine Sang:

_what i like about you  
you really know how to dance  
when you go  
up   
down jump around  
talk about true romance  
keep on whispering in my ear tell me the things i wanna hear  
cuz its true thats what i like about you  
_

Sir Hellsing was furious about this. "HOW DARE HE DO SUCH A THING!" said Integra, in rage.

Amie was a bit scared of Sir Hellsing. "Maybe I should have told her sooner," she whispered to Seras

"Naw, it was better that she didn't know until now," said Seras.

Alucard's little sister: Now here's the fun part. You as the reader can vote on who should win this.

Seras: Pick me! Pick me!


	2. Aftermath of Hellsing Idol

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own the band mentioned

Alucard's little sister: Yea I know it's odd but this chapter doesn't have much of a dare but it had to be done. It's a 'sequel' to LAST CHAPTER because of what it was and how it was done.

Aftermath of Hellsing Idol

Walter got out of a cab, picked up his suitcase and sighed. His holiday from the Hellsing mansion was great but he feared that the inside of the mansion would be a total mess. "All right this is it," he muttered and walked in. To his surprise, there wasn't any major damage, just a lot of dust and cobwebs on some places. He set his suitcase down and looked for everyone. When he found them, find them he was a bit confused. "What is it?" he asked.

Seras, Sir Hellsing, Pip, Alucard, Josephine and Amie were all sitting at the kitchen table staring at an envelope that said 'winner'. No one at the table dared to open it. The six of them had been sitting there since it arrived five hours ago. None of them noticed that Walter was there, not even Alucard.

"You are a bunch of loons," muttered Walter. He walked over and grabbed the envelope from the table. They gasped, "I don't see what the big deal is with this thing, but it would be nice to know."

"How long have you been here?" asked Pip as Alucard walked over and whispered what happened earlier in his ear. "And," said Pip "how come no one noticed him entering?"

"So, you're technically daring me to open this envelope and announce who won this Hellsing Idol?" he asked while ignoring Pip's question. Alucard nodded and grinned. Walter sighed and opened the envelope. "Alright here it is; the Winner of the Hellsing Idol is…."

Everyone in the room held their breath.

"Sir Integra Hellsing!" announced Walter. "In second place was Seras Victoria, third place goes to Alucard & Josephine and last place, Pip Verendead."

"Darn, I knew I should have done Love's Dance by Earth, Wind & Fire," muttered Pip. "I should have looked for the lyrics harder."

Seras was jumping up and down even though she didn't win. "Yes, I sing better than Alucard!" she cried. "I beat Alucard! Sweet!"

Poor Sir Hellsing was in total shock. She never thought she could sing that good. When she recovered from her shock, she got up and walked over to Alucard. "So, Alucard since you started this, what does the winner get?" she asked. Everyone looked at Alucard.

Alucard thought about this for a while. "I've got it," he said and he kissed Sir Hellsing (lip-lock). "And you get two weeks off from paper work. How's that?" (Integra was out on cloud nine).

"And, may I ask, who will be doing the paper work?" asked Walter, hoping it wasn't going to be him.

"That would be me. I've spied on her long enough to know how to do paper work," said Alucard. "Speaking of, I've got to get to work," and with that he left.

Amie cautiously walked over to Sir Hellsing. "Ma'am?" she asked. "Are you ok?" she tapped Integra, and she fell over.

Josephine looked from Integra to Amie. "Let's just take that as a 'no'." she said "Now, who wants lunch?"


	3. To play I never

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own Family Guy

Alucard's little sister: I know this idea was also used for my second favorite show Full Metal Alchemist done by Drew L., but when I get an idea I go crazy with it.

Josephine: All say, freak.

Alucard's little sister: I heard that!

Josephine: runs off AH! Some one save me!

To play I never

"This is the greatest week I've had in a long time," said Integra as she watched TV. When the commercials started, she turned to see Pip but not Seras. "Wonder where that odd ball went?"

Pip shrugged, "She said something about going online to look something up. She's so weird sometimes."

A few minutes later, Walter came walking over. "I thought you two would be here. Seras wants everyone in the kitchen. She wants to say something."

"I know we already did a group dare, but," said Seras when Integra and Pip entered the kitchen "I dare everyone to play, I never!"

Josephine and Amie burst out laughing as Alucard rolled his eyes. "It has been done a lot," muttered Alucard, "but I need to get away from Sir Hellsing's paper work, so I'm in."

Integra smiled. "Since you were the one who started this, lay out the rules for this," she said.

"Ok, let's see." Seras had to think about this for a moment. "The person that drinks the most losses and each person does one 'I never'…thing. I'll start." she said

"Go right ahead, no one's stopping you," said Alucard. He then muttered, "This should be fun."

_I doubt I'll get any body with this one (maybe Pip) but I'll try anyway_. Seras cleared her throat. "I've never" she said "romantically kissed anyone of the same sex!"

To everyone's surprise Alucard, Walter, Pip and Sir Hellsing drank on that.

Alucard started laughing. "Before you say anything you guys, all I have to say is that was one crazy New Year." he said and both Walter and Integra started laughing.

Seras cleared her throat. "Ok, so who wants to go next," she asked, "Or, do I have to pick some one to go?"

For a while no one said a word. Walter sighed. "Very well," he said, "I'll go next." He thought for a moment on things he'd never done. Then he actually smiled as he figured out the best one. "I've never lost my temper."

"You'll pay for that butler," growled Integra. She, Seras and Amie drank to that.

Alucard laughed at his Master. "That was kind of obvious," he said. "Maybe you should take an anger management class."

After he said that, Integra hit him on the head with a silver pencil sharpener. "Take that back, vampire," she snapped. "I don't have an anger problem, you moron!"

Everyone else in the room rolled their eyes. Amie shook her head. "Now that we got that cleared, shall we continue this? I'll go next." (_There's got to be a way to get Josephine_) thought Amie. "I never," she said. She thought it over to make sure that she knew what she was going to say. "I never had a crush on a co-worker."

Pip, Seras, Josephine and Alucard drank on that. Josephine turned to Amie. "You did that on purpose," she hissed. "You just want to see if I can get into trouble with Sir Hellsing. Well, it won't work and I'm so going to get you for this."

"This is turning out to be very funny," said Pip. "For a while, I thought this was going to be boring. I'll go next on this one. Then again, I'm not very good at thinking sometimes." He thought about this for a long time and found he was having a real hard time with it. "I got it," he said. "I know it's lame, but I'll get some one on it. I've never blown something up by accident in this building."

Alucard and Seras looked at each other nervously and then, both took a drink. "It was your fault after all," muttered Alucard. "You were the one that brought it in."

"Oh, yeah," cried Seras. "Well, it's your fault too because you could have thrown it right out of the window!" She started mocking him, "were the hell's the pin? Find it, Seras, before it goes off. Duh!"

Just as Alucard was about to say something, Integra butted in. "What, in gd's name are you two taking about," snapped Integra. "You guys are acting like a bunch of kids! Now tell me, what blew up in here?"

"It was a grenade, Master," said Alucard. "It happened a few months ago, while you were gone with Walter. Seras ran in with the grenade. It didn't have the pin in it. I tried to get rid of it but…well, let's just say it wasn't pretty. The good news is we cleaned it up before you two got back." He sighed, "I still think it was all Police Girl's fault."

Josephine laughed at the mere idea of this. "It's a good thing I was sick that day," she muttered under her breath. "Alright, I'll go next," she cleared her throat. "I've never caused a computer to crash."

"Oh, you're good," Amie growled. Pip, Seras, Integra and Amie drank on that.

Alucard counted how many drinks each of them had so far. "Seras, you are losing by one drink. Don't worry about it though, things could change," he said. "Too bad I can't think of anything right now."

Integra rolled her eyes. "Very well, then I'll go next," she took off her glasses. She cleaned them and then, put them back on. "I've never been stung by a bee."

"That's because you send me out to get rid of them," said Alucard. "And, before you woke me up you made Walter do it." Walter nodded as they both took a drink along with Josephine and Amie.

Seras crossed her arms. "At lest I'm not the only one that's in last place right now," she said. "So, the only person left is Alucard. Did you think of something, Master?"

"Oh, I got one alright," he said evilly. "It's so good, it's scary."

Suddenly, Sir Hellsing started to panic. "Oh, no," she cried. "Don't you dare say what I think you are going to say! Whatever you do, don't say that!"

Alucard smiled darkly. "Well, since everyone else has targeted others, I thought I'd join in the evil," he said. "I've never…"

"Don't say it!" cried Integra

He ignored her and continued. "It's too late now," he said. "I've never talked in my sleep."

"You will pay for that, Alucard," growled Integra. She took a drink. "You will pay!" She ran out of the room.

Seras was also mad at Alucard. She too took a drink. "Now I'm in last place," she whined. "The orphanage told me I used to talk in my sleep and that's all I'll say about it."

Walter nodded and took a drink as well to everyone's surprise. He smiled at the looks on their faces. "When I was little, I got over excited to go somewhere and I talked in my sleep," he explained.

"So, tell us, Master, when did Integra talk in her sleep," asked Seras with great curiosity. "We'd really like to know."

Alucard smiled, he knew that this would drive Integra up the wall. "Oh, it was a long time ago. Back when she was 13," he said. "To be exact it was five months after she woke me. What she said would make you all laugh."

Josephine became really excited. "Tell us, Master Alucard, sir," she pleaded. "We really want to know what she said! Please, tell us."

"Very well, I'll tell you what she said," Alucard smiled, this is what he wanted to happen. He didn't notice Integra quietly walking back into the room. Alucard took a deep breath. "Ok, she said…."

**Thwack!**

Integra hit Alucard has hard as she could with a silver bat. It sent him across the room and into the wall. She rested the bat on her shoulder. "I told you that you'd pay," she snapped.

Everyone else in the room looked at her like she had gone mad. Walter carefully walked over and pulled Alucard from the wall. "Are you going to be ok, Alucard," Walter asked.

Alucard wobbled as blood ran down one side of his head. "I'll….be….fine…..once the….room…stops spinning," he muttered.

Amie pointed to Integra's bat. "Where was that," she asked "I've never seen that bat before!"

Integra smiled. "This bat was in my room, behind the headboard of my bed. Just in case Alucard decided to spy on me while I was sleeping," she said and laughed. "I feel so much better now. I think I'll use this more often."


	4. To have a psychiatric evaluation

Disclaimer: See last chapter

Alucard's little sister: I know this is a little late but I've been absorbed in AMVs (Anime Music Videos). This idea was going to be chapter 4 of part 1 but I forgot it until now. I can be such an airhead.

To have a psychiatric evaluation

It had been three days since the 'I never dare' and the mansion was quiet. Seras and Pip played the 'two day game' Risk as Alucard watched. Under his hair he had a thick line of bandage wrap, covering his wound from the silver bat. Some of it was soaked with blood.

"It's very strange that Alucard's so quiet," said Pip. "Usually he'd be bugging someone right now, but he's right here, watching us play a game. You just got to wonder if he's all there."

Seras shook her head slowly. "I'm telling you, right now, it's just plain sad. I heard Integra told him he had to make up for the days he's recovering. She really wants that second week off," she said. "I'm sure he's fine. He's probably pretending just to get off the paper work for a while."

Alucard suddenly threw an eraser at Seras to get her attention. "You know, most people would talk like that behind the person's back," he muttered. "Why don't you have your head hit with a silver bat, that was probably blessed as well, and then tell me how you feel. This is horrible. I wish she cut off my head with her silver sword instead of hitting me with the bat. But, no. Now, I have to suffer though this."

Pip nodded. "I'd hate to be you right now," he said. "You know when you're like this you're almost n…." he stopped and suddenly, started laughing.

This confused both Seras and Alucard. Seras scratched her head. "What's so funny, Pip? Are you going share it with the rest of us?"

He calmed down and wiped a tear from his eye. "I almost called Alucard 'normal'," he said. "He's far from normal and it reminded me of that one time two days after Sir Hellsing hired us."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Oh, that," he said. "Yes, for some reason, I remember that very well right now, even though my brain is like mush."

Seras was lost. "Uh, what did I miss?"

**Four Days after the attack on the Hellsing mansion**

"Now, this may sound a bit loony, but" said Integra to the Wild Geese, "by order of the queen and protocols, you lot are to be evaluated by a psychologist."

"Don't worry," said the psychologist in a monotone voice, "this will only take fifteen minutes of your time."

As the other soldiers followed the psychologist, Pip walked over to Sir Hellsing. "Why?" he asked her. "Is it important that we get evaluated? I mean you can just look though a background check."

"It's to make sure you can handle the type of missions you get sent on," said Alucard right behind Pip. "It also determines what job you'll be doing."

Integra pushed up her glasses. "That is correct, Alucard. Now, is there anything else captain, because I'm extremely busy right now."

"No, that was it really," Pip said quickly. He jogged away from them.

"So, what is it that you want Alucard," she asked. "It's not like you to answer a question asked to me."

"Two things, no, scratch that, three things. One, I am bored out of my mind. Two, we need a new maid as one was killed in the attack," he said. "And third, I was just making sure you were back to your old self or if you need to talk to that shrink guy too."

She hit him with a silver paperweight she had in her pocket. "Does that answer your question," she snapped. "I'm just a bit tried from over working that's all! If you're so bored, then I dare you to be evaluated by that psychologist. And, don't pretend that you're human. Yes, that's right; I want you to be truthful. In other words I want you to scare him. Don't worry no matter what happens, you can't be fired."

Alucard waited with the others until he was the last one waiting. A few minutes later, Pip walked out of the TV room with the psychologist. "I recommend that your keep you sick thoughts to yourself," droned the psychologist. "Alright, now, who's next?"

"That would be me, I am the last one," said Alucard. He stood up and followed the psychologist. He laid down on the couch. "So, doc what kind of questions will you be asking?"

"Well, we'll start with some word association," said the psychologist. "I'll say a word, then you say the first word you can think of. First word is, women."

"Police Girl," Alucard said. "I know it may not be one word, but it's the first thing that comes to my mind."

The psychologist wrote this down on a note book. "Ok, very well. On to the next one, the second word is…create."

Alucard smiled evilly. "Destruction," he said. "Ah, my top favorite word. The chaos that it causes is so much fun."

This made the poor guy just doing his job a bit nervous. He wrote that answer down and tried to stop himself from being too scared. "Alright," he said as he started to lose the monotone in his voice. "On to the last word, which is….ghouls."

"Pathetic creatures," he said. "Ok, I'm really bored now."

The psychologist wrote this down. "Alright, then we'll do something else," he said. "So, tell me about your relationship with Sir Hellsing."

This made Alucard laugh. "The way you said that it sounded like you think we're lovers, but it's not like that. It's far from that (lest the last time I checked it was)," he said. "She's my master and I have to serve her or else."

This made this psychologist interested. "Or else what," he asked as he wrote all of this down.

"When she's mad at me she hits me with something silver. I hate silver. One time, when she was really mad at me, she hit me with a silver bat as hard as she could. It took three days for me to recover! Three whole painful days! Me, the most powerful vampire in the world, and it took that long to heal from a simple silver bat!" Alucard sighed. "The good thing was, she was shorter than me and could only hit me in the back. I can't imagine what it would be like to be hit in the head with that bat. Who knows how long that would take me to recover from."

The psychologist scrambled to write all of that down. "So, tell me," he said. "Why did she hit you with the silver bat?"

"That's easy," said Alucard. "She was mad at me because I over heard her talking in her sleep and I was going to tell Walter that Integra needed to drink less caffeine at night. Unfortunately she thought I was going to tell him what she said. Like I said, good thing she couldn't hit my head."

The psychologist wrote this down. He got up and looked around, and then he sat back down. "Well, since Integra is no where in sight, why don't you tell me what she said. What was it that would make her so upset?"

Alucard smiled a manic smile. "It's funny, I was checking on her to make sure she was ok, and all of a sudden, she started talking. She said (and I quote) 'Alucard, my knight in shining amour has come to save me on his black horse, yeah'. I couldn't believe what I just heard so, I burst out laughing. She wasn't happy with me (good thing so was too tired to hit me)."

The psychologist found himself trying not to burst out laughing. He quickly contained himself. "You know for a vampire, you sure are funny," he said. The monotone in his voice was completely gone. "I thought I was going be bored out of my mind."

Meanwhile at the entrance hall, Integra and Walter were talking. "Now, before you go to the maid finding place or whatever you must know what I want," said Integra. "First of all no more old people, understand? I want them to be between the ages of 19 and 27. They must be nice and she must have the ability to run fast. Most importantly they must understand the paranormal and they must be able to cope with unpredictable situations."

Walter bowed. "Very well, Sir Integra," he said. "Miss Victoria and I will go and find a new maid."

That's when the psychologist walked back. He stopped next to Integra. "That man in red…" said the psychologist. "That guy is funny. For being the expert in vampires, he sure is interesting." He walked away whistling a happy tune.

Alucard walked into to the room. He looked weird-ed out. "That psychologist is the scariest werewolf I ever met," he said.


	5. To have an initiation test

Disclaimer: See last chapter

Alucard's little sister: While we're on the subject of the past, I just thought it be fun for one more chapter like that.

Editor Cain: You seem to write a lot more than you did in Part 1. Hey! Why am I in this?

Integra: We thought it would be fun to have another person in the intro once in a while.

To have an initiation test

The day after the evaluation and the Wild Geese had gotten use to how things run. As Alucard watched some of the new solders train, Pip came running over to him. "Alucard, sir," Pip said. "Sir Hellsing and Walter have gone to bring the new maid over." That made everyone stop what they were doing and look over at Pip. The Captain continued, "So, I dare you, Alucard, to help scare this new person. Like a kind of initiation, to see if she's 'worthy' of working here. What do you say to that?"

Alucard didn't really want to be up while it was daylight, but if he was going to be up, then he should have some fun. "Alright, I'm in," he said. "Just as long as I can do my own thing."

Pip and Alucard walked over and hid in the main entrance. They waited until Sir Hellsing and Walter got back. The others hid in a nearby room to watch the action.

"Alright, now I know you're going to be working at night here, but it will be a lot safer, er, I mean easier to show you around now," said Integra, as she opened the door. "I must warn you that in here, there is nothing normal. I don't know what's going to happen so be on your guard."

"Oh, that's no problem," said a new voice. "There's nothing that can scare me."

Alucard and the Wild Geese were a bit surprised at what the new maid looked like. She was as old as Seras and she was even in her maid uniform. Alucard, to Pip's surprise, turned into a dog and ran over to Sir Hellsing, Walter and the new girl.

"Oh, no you don't," snapped Integra. She put her foot on her on his head. "You dumb dog."

He backed away from Sir Hellsing and walked over to the new maid. What he did next surprised the poor girl. "Hey, get out from under there," she cried.

Integra looked over to the maid to see Alucard had stuck his head under the maid's dress. She ran over and kicked him away. "I see you do that again," snapped Integra, "and I swear I'll do something horrible to you!"

Alucard ran over to Pip and turned back into human form. He gave him a thumb's up. "Alright, it's your turn, captain," he said. "Good luck to ya."

Pip walked over to the new maid. "Why, hello miss," he said. "Welcome to one of the strangest places you'll ever know. By the way, what's your name?"

The maid gave him a simple smile. "My name is Josephine," she said. "And you must be the Captain."

Integra waved Walter over. "I want you to show our new maid around," she said. "I have a lot of work to do so don't bug me."

Walter bowed. "Of, course, Sir Integra," he said. He turned to Josephine. "Please follow me and we will get started."

The soldiers ran off to plant some traps and scary scenes. One soldier ran into the TV room and tied himself up to look like he hung himself.

Walter walked by the TV room without even a glance. Josephine, however, stopped and looked at the solder. She shook her head slowly. She saw right though the trick, but she pretended she didn't. "Oh, dear," she said. "Well, I guess I have to take him down." She pulled a small knife from her sock and threw it.

The man fell and broke the table he was over. That made Walter come back over. He wasn't happy. "Fix the table you just broke," he said. "Make it quick so Integra doesn't find out." He walked away. "Let's go Josephine, times a-wasting."

Josephine smiled evilly. "Sucker," she said. She ran after Walter laughing at the guy. "I wonder what else they're going to do."

This stunned the solider. "Sh-she knew," he cried. He stood up and scratched his head. He pulled a walkie-talkie out. "I better tell the others."

"Ok, you two," whispered Pip to the soldiers in the music room. "Try something that involves blood or maybe even some screaming. But, most importantly don't get anything on the piano or Sir Hellsing will skin us and feed us to her pet vampire!"

They gulped, that would be a horrible fate. "Yes, sir," they whispered. "We'll cover the piano up to protect it."

"Now, this is very important for you to know, Josephine," said Walter, as he opened the music room a few minutes later. "No one except Sir Integra and myself are allowed to touch the piano."

"Ok, but do you dust it or something? Would you like me just to sweep the floor of this room then," Josephine questioned. She looked around the room. "Oh, dear it looks like someone has to clean this up."

Walter was shocked at what he saw. Two soldiers had been 'murdered' in the Music room. One was on the floor by the main window and the other was only inches from the piano. "What is going on," Walter asked himself.

Josephine walked over to the soldier by the piano and turned around so that her heel was over the soldier's hand (Walter could not see that). "So, sir," she said. "Do you want me to clean this up or are you?"

"I'm not sure, I need some time to think," said Walter.

That's when Josephine put her heel down on the soldier's hand. It made him scream. "Well then, it looks like he's alive after all." Without anyone noticing, Josephine took the clear plastic sheet off the piano.

"Oh, man that hurt," cried the soldier she stepped on. "Dude, our cover was blown!"

Walter crossed his arms. "What do you think you are doing," he asked. "You two better have a good explanation for this."

Josephine gasped. "Walter! They...," she cried. "They got some blood or whatever on the piano!" She then ran out of the room before they noticed. She heard one officer cry "no, we were framed." She smiled. _That's what you get for trying to scare me_, she thought.

Suddenly, Alucard appeared in front of her. "I like you, Josephine. You got those two in trouble with that trick," he said "Please tell me more about yourself."

Integra was getting frustrated with her paper work. "I can't stand this," she snapped. "Man, what else can go wrong!" That was when she heard Josephine scream. Integra pushed on her glasses. "Great, now we probably need a new maid!" She walked down stairs to find Alucard talking to Josephine.

"I can't believe you said that to her Master Alucard, sir," cried Josephine. "That poor Police Girl, most people would feel too uncomfortable to answer that." That's when she noticed Sir Hellsing. "Hello, Sir Integra, I was just talking to Alucard here about a vampire he calls Police Girl."

"You're not scared," questioned Integra. "You're ok with working here?"

"Of course I am," cried Josephine happily. "I love it here! You never really know what's going to happen next. I can't wait to start!"

Sir Hellsing passed out from shock, which made Alucard laugh.

**Back in the present**

Josephine sighed. She walked over to where Pip, Seras, and Alucard were. She looked down at the Risk game they were playing (they were now on day 2). "I'm so bored," she said sadly. "I miss Alucard being his normal self. Heck, I don't even mind if he jumps on me as a dog."

"I know what you mean," said Amie in agreement. "I like it when he jumped out of no where and attacked you."

Pip thought about this for a moment. "Let's see here, Sir Hellsing, Josephine, Amie, the gothic girl at the horse barn, Seras Victoria, and not to mention, the other women he's saved. Man, Alucard sure has his way with the ladies," he said, then made a move on the board. "By the way, I won."

Seras hit him over the head with the board. "How dare you say that about my Master," she snapped. "He is not like you, sicko!" She stormed off.

"Yeah, chaos!" shouted Josephine.


	6. To dance with Section XIII

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own Nintendo or Capcom

Alucard's little sister: I suddenly thought of this idea when I was trying to have more dares that involved Anderson and Maxwell (back with Part 1). I kind of think I'm going mad….

Integra: That would not surprise any of us.

Editor Cain: You can say that again.

Alucard's little sister: Not listening to them One more thing! In this chapter, a dare will be mentioned from Part 1. It's not really important to know for this dare. So, don't panic.

Alucard: Before this intro gets too long, we'd like to thank all of you who voted in Hellsing Idol, and would also like to say, sorry for those who voted the last time it was posted that you weren't thanked sooner. Now, on with the dare!

To dance with Section XIII

Integra sighed as she sat in between Pip and Seras in the TV room. Seras and Pip had a fight and neither of them was talking to the other. "Is this what you two do all day?" Integra questioned, "because this is really boring and stupid. I almost miss doing paper work, if that's even possible."

"Unless we have a mission, yes, this is all that we do," growled Seras. She looked up and noticed Alucard hovering over them. "Integra, Alucard needs you."

Sir Hellsing waved him off. "Whatever it is, Alucard," she said, "it can wait."

Alucard scratched his head. "Actually, it really can't," he said. He grabbed her and went though the ceiling into her office. "This is really important and you really should look at this," he said, as he walked over to the desk.

"What have I told you about taking me through solid objects!" snapped Integra. "Never ever! I told you, the only way I'll really let you do that is when the place is on fi…" Alucard shoved a letter in her face. Integra blinked at it, and then took it from him. "This is the emergency? It better be good. That's all I have to say."

It read:

Dear Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing,

I, the Queen of England, am holding a Spring Ball April 5th at 9:00pm. Bring the two vampires with you, Walter and one with the eye patch. Vatican Section XIII, the Iscariot Agency will be there as well. So, keep you-know-who on a short leash. Everyone must dress, of course, which means you, too, Integra.

Integra was in total shock. "That's today!" she muttered, "This isn't good."

"Let me see!" cried Seras, who had snuck into the room a few seconds ago. She read it quickly and had an idea. "Sir Hellsing! I dare you to dance with Maxwell!"

Both Alucard and Integra nearly fell over at that. "Oh, yea!" growled Integra "Well, then if I dance with Maxwell, than I dare you to dance with Anderson!"

Alucard rolled his eyes. "You two are just plain weird," he muttered.

Seras and Integra looked over at Alucard. Both had angry looks on their faces. "You stay out of this!" they both snapped.

"Alright, alright, don't bite my head off," he said. Then he muttered under his breath. "Women are so…oh, never mind."

Police Girl got in Integra's face. "You're so on," she said. She started walking away, "This will be so fun."

When Seras was gone, Integra banged her head on the wall. "There is no way in Hell that Maxwell will dance with me," she muttered. "Not to mention that he'll drive me batty," Integra sighed. "Now that I think about it, I should have just said no."

Alucard thought about this for awhile, and then smiled a menacing grin. "Hey, uh, Master? Do you still have that dress from that make over Seras dared you to do, right?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, I do," said Integra. She turned around to see his smile. This made her a bit nervous. "What are you getting at?"

He laughed. "When I'm done with you, not even Walter will recognize you," he said. "So, get ready for some fun, Master!"

As soon as they got to the ball, Seras looked around and found Anderson standing by the wall. She walked over to him and gave him a strange smile. "Why, hello, Father Alexander Anderson," she said a bit too cheerful-like. "What's going on with you?"

Father Anderson raised an eyebrow at her. "So, tell me, vampire lass, what have you been smoking?" he asked.

"You seem very annoyed right now, Anderson," she noted. "Is there anything that I can do for you?"

Anderson took a deep breath. "I know this is going to sound strange, vampire lass, but Maxwell has dared me not to be a 'wallflower' and dance," he said to Seras' surprise. "I would like to get this over with. You won't mind dancing one dance with me, would you?"

Seras was in shock. That was the very last thing she ever thought she'd hear from Anderson. "Sure, why not," she said. That's when she remembered something. "I must warn you now," she whispered in his ear, "Alucard has just recovered from, oh, never mind."

Alucard leaned against a wall and put his hands in his pockets. "To think I could be playing Resident Evil 4 right now. I want to try professional mode, but no, I'm here." he scratched his head. "She first hit me with a bat, and then I finally recovered from that. Then she makes me do paper work to make up for everything."

"Who are you talking to," asked a woman.

"AH! Damn It!" he shouted.

Integra waited for Maxwell to get back from talking to Anderson and Seras. She didn't look at all like herself. She had a Zelda-like dress on with make up and contacts. "I wonder if anyone knows who I am?" she rubbed her eyes. "That's it, I'm taking these out!"

**A few minutes later…**

The Queen walked over to Maxwell. "Where is Sir Hellsing?" she asked. "I thought she said she'd be here and that she had a surprise for us."

Maxwell scratched his head. "That's true, but I haven't seen her this whole time," he said. "The other thing, is I wonder where that pretty woman I was dancing with."

"Whoa, Alucard was better than I thought with the make-up. Which is kind of weird considering that he's a guy." she said. She had taken her make-up off and put her glasses on.

Maxwell was totally shocked at what he saw. He danced with Sir Hellsing and he didn't even know it. "Wha-wha…I-I…huh?" he cried, and then he passed out.

Sir Hellsing rolled her eyes, "What a baby."


	7. To play the New Year's tape

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own South Park

Alucard's little sister: Swordsman169 the reason that Part 1 can't be found is because it was removed due to spelling and grammar problems. It's sad really.

Seras: You're right on that, 23 chapters lost. It's your fault.

Editor Cain: That's why I'm here.

To play the New Year's tape

"I just don't see what the deal was," stated Alucard to Seras. The two of them were down in the basement's 'living' room-like area. Alucard continued drinking a blood packet. "I mean, I can see her in a dress and it's not that shocking."

Seras rolled her eyes. "Yeah," she said dully, "a wedding dress."

Poor Alucard was so shocked by what she said that he started choking. He slowly recovered. "Why-why don't you…do something else other than bug me." he demanded as he coughed some more. "Why don't you go watch a VHS in the TV room or something?"

"Fine," she said. Seras walked over to the TV room and started looking though all of the tapes to see if there was anything good to watch. She couldn't find anything. "Darn it, all of these tapes so far are just surveillance tapes and those are boring."

"Not all of them are surveillance," said Pip. He had walked over to Seras while she was too busy looking at the top shelf of tapes. He bent down and pulled a VHS tape marked 'New Year's party' on it. "I dare you to play this tape."

That when Seras remembered something Alucard said: _Before you say anything you guys, all I have to say is that was one crazy New Year_. Seras quickly grabbed the tape. "Well, what the hell are we waiting for?" she said. "Let's play this puppy."

Pip put the tape in and pressed play. "Now, let's see who Alucard kisses."

"All right, you guys may have the run of the place while I go out with a friend," said Integra to the camera. "But, that doesn't mean I won't find out about anything. I'll…"

Pip fast forwarded the tape to half way into the party. "Sorry she was boring me," he said. "Besides I just want to see Alucard kiss a guy that's all."

"Come on, Alucard, do it," said a solider. "We dare you!"

"All right," Alucard said (he almost sounded drunk). "I'll do it, only if Walter stays for this."

Walter shrugged. "Very well, just don't do anything too stupid."

That's when Alucard started singing:

_Bombs are flying _

_People are dying _

_Children are crying _

_Politicians are lying too. _

_Cancer is killing _

_Texaco's spilling _

_The whole world's gone to hell _

_But how are you? _

_I'm super _

_Thanks for asking _

_All things considered _

_I couldn't be better I must say _

_I'm feeling super _

_No, nothing bugs me _

_Everything is super when you're _

_Don't you think I look cute in this hat _

_I'm so sorry _

_Mr. Cripple _

_But I just can't feel too bad for you right now. _

_Because I'm feeling _

_So insanely super _

_That even the fact that you can't walk _

_Can't bring me down _

Background singers (the soldiers):

_He's super _

_Thanks for asking _

_All things considered _

_He couldn't be better he must say _

Big Gay Al (Alucard):

_I'm super _

_No, nothing bugs me _

_Everything is super when you're _

_Don't you think I look cute in this hat? _

_These little pants, this matching tie _

_That I got at Vogue _

_I'm super _

Background singers:

_In the barracks and the trenches as well _

Big Gay Al:

_Stick 'em up. _

Background singers:

_Big Gay Al says do ask do tell _

Big Gay Al:

_Skittles _

Background singers:

_Yes he's super and he's proud to convey _

Big Gay Al:

_OK _

Background singers:

_Everything is super when you're gay! _

_When you're gay!_

Seras quickly covered her mouth as Pip covered his eyes. "I can't believe he just did that!" cried Pip.

"I know, I'll never look at Alucard or Walter the same way again," cried Seras.

Sir Hellsing walked over to see what they were watching that made them freak out. She rolled her eyes when she found out. "Let me guess, you two just saw the part where Alucard French kissed Walter, right,"

"WHAT?" cried Seras. "Alucard French kissed…" she couldn't finish her sentence due to shock (that and she just heard Walter ask "did you really need to put your tongue in my mouth?")

Pip scratched his head. "He must have been really drunk to do something like that."

"You have no idea," said Walter who was standing right behind them.


	8. To baffle Alucard

Disclaimer: See last chapter or the Blade trilogy

Alucard's little sister: I'm so sorry that it took so long to post this. I'm not sure where this idea came from in my head. Over a few weeks I made a website. It's up, not really special just a test site, though I do have Hellsing vol. 8 pictures and the story I dare you part 1 on it. ( go to sit though an odd intro to the site, click on animation workshop, then click on student work and scroll down until you student Flash sites and click on Alucard's little sister. I know it's a long process but the pictures are great.)

Editor Cain: You talk to much lets just get on with the chapter.

Alucard's little sister: If you have a hard time finding the pictures just let me know. Editor Cain: tapes writer's mouth shut

To baffle Alucard

Pip crossed his arms. "I can't stand Alucard sometimes," he growled. "He acts like he knows everything."

Josephine nodded. "It can really drive you nuts," she agreed. "Yes, he may be a vampire expert, but that doesn't mean he knows everything there is to know about them."

"Oh, come on you two," cried Seras. "He's been around for way over 200 years. I'm sure he knows everything."

Sir Hellsing started laughing in the door way of the study. The three of them looked over at her. "No one knows everything. Alucard may sound like he knows everything, but I'm sure he doesn't." That's when Integra got a strange idea. "I dare you three to try and baffle Alucard. Of course, you can only ask him one question each."

"All right you're on," growled Pip. Then, the three of them headed to the TV room where Alucard was. Pip turned to the others. "So, who's going first, and ask Alucard a question?

Seras raised her hand. "I volunteer," she said, "to be last."

Pip took a deep breath. "Ok, then I'll go first," he said. He walked over to Alucard, who was watching a movie. "Alucard, sir, I have a question I'd like to ask you."

"Go ahead, knock yourself out," growled Alucard. "I'm bored anyway. I hate this movie," he said to himself.

The Captain rubbed his neck nervously. "Are there any Jewish Vampires? Or, another religion besides Christianity?"

Alucard looked over at him with a 'you have got to be kidding me' look. "Of course there are." he muttered. "We just take care of those vampires. There are just different methods of getting rid of these vampires."

"That was a real stupid question, you Cheese Monkey," hissed Josephine as Pip came back. "Now it's my turn." she walked over to Alucard. She noticed he was watching Blade (the first one). "Hey, Alucard, I have another question for you."

Alucard sighed. "What is it?" he asked. "It better not be stupid like that last question."

"Ok, can you be born a vampire or a half-vampire?" she asked.

Without warning Alucard burst out laughing. "I've actually been waiting for some one to ask that question," he said. "No, you can't because that would mean you are born dead and (yes, there is stillbirth) it can't be done. There is really only one type of half-vampire. Police Girl is one. You can't be born a half-vampire. A person is a half-vampire only until they drink blood. It's why I hate this movie."

This puzzled Josephine. "Then why are you…oh, never mind." She walked over to the others. She looked over at Seras. "Well your up. Good luck, your going to need it."

"Thanks," Seras said. She walked over to Alucard. "Hello master," she said. "I have one last question to ask you."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Fine, what is it?"

Police Girl had a diabolical look on her face. "Get this, say there is a vampire, right. If this said vampire is gay, can they turn a virgin of the _same sex_ into a vampire or just the opposite?"

This shocked Alucard. No one has ever asked that before. Alucard thought about this for a moment. He scratched his head. He was about to say something then stopped. He thought some more then turned the TV off. "I'll be back," he said. "There's someone I need to talk to." He left the mansion.

This caused Pip's and Josephine's jaws to drop as Seras danced around. "A ha!" she cried. "I did it! He couldn't answer that question! I baffled Alucard!

Josephine recovered. "I wonder who he went to go talk to?" she wondered.

Pip shrugged. "He probably went to see a fellow vampire that is a lot older than he is. I wonder if anyone knows the answer to that question."


	9. To make Integra smile

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own the band Soul Coughing or Wallflowers (or the rights to the PS2) The radio station is fake!

Alucard's little sister: after painfully removing the tape As I looked though the Hellsing books I noticed that Integra never smiles, ever. (She like Mandy from _The Grim adventures of Billy & Mandy_).

Integra: Who cares about that! You and only you!

Alucard's little sister: Anyway, this dare came from noticing this. WARNING! I must warn all of you readers right now, the reason (my mentally disturbed idea) why Integra does not wear skirts or a dress. Oh, for something different this dare is in the past but the chapter begins in the present.

To make Integra smile

Integra was falling asleep at her desk. There was nothing to do thanks to Walter taking her PS2 away (he couldn't stand Integra screaming at the TV). As she nodded off a radio played.

"That was One Headlight, on 145.6FM," said the DJ on the radio. "It's that time again, the rarity hour where we play things you haven't heard in ages. Our first song is Circles."

With the help of the song, Integra woke with a start. "ALUCARD! Get up here quick!" she snapped.

Alucard appeared through the floor. "What is it, my Master?" he asked.

Integra pointed to the radio. "Do remember this song?"

He thought about it for a second, then burst out laughing.

**The Past**

Walter took a sip of tea and sighed. "Sir Integra seems rather depressed lately," he said. "It's sad."

Alucard leaned back in his chair. "So, who cares," he grumped. "You humans and your pointless emotions."

"Well, I dare you to make Integra smile," said Walter. "Unless you're not up to that."

Integra was reading a book when Alucard came up though the floor. "Hello, Master," he said, which made her jump. "What are you reading?"

"How did you get in!" she cried. "Why didn't I hear you? Did you even use the door!

Alucard laughed "Door are for humans," he said proudly. "I came though the floor, like this," he started sinking into the floor.

Integra got up and ran over to him. "Can all vampires do that?" she asked as Alucard disappeared in the floor. "Wait, come back here!"

"Don't worry, I'm still here. See if you can figure out where," said Alucard. "I'll give you a hint….pink underwear is so not you."

Integra bright red and ran over to her desk and got a silver bat. "You Pervert!" she shouted. "Don't do that again!"

Alucard came down from the ceiling. "Oh, relax, master," he said. "I'm just messing with you. I do it to everyone. Come on live a little. Your only 13 once. That is if I don't turn you into a vampire."

"I don't think so!" she snapped. She threw the bat at him but he went into the ceiling so she missed. "Stop moving that's not fair!"

Alucard walked out of the wall. "Getting hit in the head with a bat just doesn't seem very fun." He turned on the radio. "Why not dance with me?"

Integra was taken aback. "M-me? Dance! No, sorry I don't dance." she said. "And there's no way you'll get me to, so don't bother."

"It very easy to do," he said as he moved her arms back an forth. "Just listen to music and move with the beat."

_And when the wind set down in funnel form and pulled you in_

I don't need to walk around in circles  
walk

_around in circles  
walk around in circles  
walk around_

_in_

don't need to walk around in circles  
walk

_around in circles  
walk around in circles  
walk around_

_in_

It was starting to look impossible to get Integra to dance, let alone smile. Alucard sighed. "All right, then, if a dance won't make you smile, I know what will."

Walter finished his tea and was about to read the paper when he heard Integra scream. He ran up stairs to see what was going on.

"Alucard! Cut that out!" Integra cried, then started laughing. "Stop that! No! Don't! Alucard, down boy!"

Walter opened the door to find Alucard had turned himself into a dog and was using his tongue to lick Integra's foot to make her laugh. Walter sighed. "You're a strange one Alucard." he said. He pulled Alucard away. "I think you've had enough fun for one day."_  
_


	10. To Play Kingdom Hearts

Disclaimer: see last chapter and I don't own Disney or Square Enix, Play Station and Silent Hill, or Namco

Alucard's little sister: At first I thought this game was going to be too kid-ish to put in a Hellsing dare. (Also note that Integra stole her PS2 back)

Editor Cain: But as you can see you changed your mind on that.

To Play Kingdom Hearts

**7:30am**

Sir Hellsing quickly finished the paper work for the day. She wrote Walter a note and ran into her room. She turned on her TV and her PS2. "Alright Pyramid Head, you are so going to get it for killing me the last time," she declared.

As Integra walked over and closed the door, the PS2 went to the game's menu. To Integra's surprise it wasn't Silent Hill. "What is all this?" she demanded.

**7:36am**

"Alucard, I really think you should play something different for a while," said Josephine. "I mean all you keep doing is dying."

"I won't stop until I win," snapped Alucard who was playing Resident Evil 4 on the Nintendo Game Cube. "And, nothing you say or do will change my mind!" (That's when Leon's head was bitten off.) "AHHHH! DAMN IT! I'm not going to stop 'till I get by this part!"

Josephine shook her head. "You are sad, master Alucard, very, very sad," she said. "So tell me, what level are you on? Easy?"

He paused the game and looked at her evilly. "No, for your information, I'm on professional mode," he growled, and, I don't have that many bullets or grenades. Now be quiet you, I'm going to beat this."

That's when Integra came storming into the TV room. "Alright," she snapped, "who's been messing with my PS2?"

"It was me," admitted Josephine. "My PS2 broke and I had to send to out to get fix. I'm sorry, I just love that game too much." That's when a brilliant idea struck her. "I dare you, Integra, to play Kingdom Hearts!"

Alucard started laughing. "Integra play something other than Silent Hill! I'd love to see that happen," said Alucard. (Leon suddenly died.) "What? B-but I had full heath, I swear! Oh, come on!"

Integra scoffed. "Like you are any different, Alucard. All you play is Resident Evil," she growled. "So, how many times have you died so far? 500? 600?" She walked over and turned off the Game Cube. "I'll do it, but only if Alucard here plays Soul Calibur II."

"Fine," said Alucard. "I should probably think of a strategy for Resident Evil 4 anyway."

**8:40am**

Walter walked into Integra's room with a phone. "Sir Integra," he said, "I don't really want to disturb you, but there's someone on the phone asking for… Alucard. What would like me to do?"

"Just give the phone to him, I don't really care," snapped Integra. "Come on Sora, you can do it…Yes! take that Riku! I couldn't beat you in sword fighting, but I can beat you when it comes to racing, I'm the best."

Walter left Integra and walked over to the TV room. "Alucard, you have a phone call," he said. Walter never thought he'd say something like that.

"Hang on for a second," said Alucard. He defeated Ivy, then paused the game. "Ok, hand it over."

Seras walked into the TV room to find Alucard on the phone. She looked over at Walter. "Who's he talking to?" she asked

Walter shrugged. "I have no idea."

**12:30pm**

Josephine went upstairs to Integra's room to pick up the laundry (and to check on Integra). "So, how's the game, Sir Hellsing?" she asked.

"Not right now, I'm busy," hissed Integra. "Come on Sora! Take that… wait! Oh, no, quick some one save me. I got it….no I don't. Darn it, Clayton. I need more potion."

"You have fun with that," said Josephine. She walked downstairs to check on Alucard. When she got in the TV room, she noticed Alucard was once again playing Resident Evil 4. "Hey, I thought you were suppose to be playing Soul Calibur II."

"I was," he said, "But I got bored with it and I figured out a plan for this game. Now, be quiet, I'm going into the garden with the dogs."

"So, who was on the phone?" Seras asked. "I mean, how many times has anyone called for you?"

Alucard suddenly remembered something. He paused the game. "I have the answer to the question you asked. It's no," he said. "Only a bi could. Now leave me to the dogs."

To Seras, Alucard didn't make any sense. "What? Who can do it?" she asked. "Could you repeat that?"

Josephine slapped her hand against her face. "Are you dense or what," she cried. "A bisexual! In other words someone who can go both ways! How hard is that?"

"OH JEESE!" cried Alucard making Seras and Josephine to jump. (Leon was suddenly attacked and mauled to death). "Where…in…the world did that dog come from! I think I'm going to go back to that other game for a while."


	11. To watch Silent Hill

Disclaimer: See last chapter and the drug company that make Aspirin or Saw and Saw II

Alucard's little sister: If you read _I dare you part one_ you'd get was Police says but, its not that important to the story. I was going to do this one where they go to the movie theatre to watch it, but I lost track of time and missed out on that. After watching _Silent Hill_ and playing _Resident Evil_ I found myself in a pickle. Which one's scarier?

Editor Cain: I say Resident Evil (you know the dogs in RE4 that come out of nowhere and mal you to death.)

Alucard's little sister: But what about Pyramid Head? It's so hard! Which one is it?

To watch Silent Hill

"You are a total freak, Alucard," growled Integra. (Alucard told her about the question he answered.) She flipped though a few more adds from the Sunday paper. "I mean you knew the answer the entire time! I thought you were bisexual."

Alucard sat down on her deck. "Well, duh, I mean Dracula was, so why wouldn't I be one too," he said. "I actually wasn't sure if a gay vampire could do it too. So I called 'you-know-who' to make sure. Is that so hard?"

"Calm down, I'm messing with you…I… Oh! My gd! How the hell did I miss that!" She held up an ad for _Silent Hill_ the movie. "Alucard, I need to see this movie! Oh, and I dare you to watch it with me after we go and buy it."

"Well, let's go and get it now," said Alucard. He left then came back. "We're taking my bike this time."

Meanwhile, Seras went into the TV room, but Alucard was not there. She then went into Integra's office and he and Integra were not there. She ran to the shooting range, but she only found Pip. She ran into the kitchen where Walter was drinking tea. "WALTER," she shouted making Walter spill his tea. "Where's Sir Hellsing and Master Alucard? I need to ask them something!"

Walter rubbed his ear with his finger. "Calm down, Miss Victoria, and lower your voice. I'm not that deaf," he said. He grabbed a towel and cleaned up the tea he spilled. "I don't know where they are, but they will be back."

The front door swung open violently making Seras and Walter jump. Then they heard Alucard and Integra. "SILENT HILL!" snapped Integra.

"RESIDENT EVIL!" snapped Alucard.

Walter put his hand on his head. "This is going to be one of those days," he sighed. He started walking away. "I better go get the aspirin ready."

Seras walked into the front room to see Alucard and Integra having a shouting match (Silent Hill, Resident Evil). "Uh, what's going on?" she asked.

Integra crossed her arms. "Alucard thinks Resident Evil is scarier than Silent Hill," Integra growled. "Silent Hill is way scarier than Resident Evil."

"No! Resident Evil is scarier," said Alucard. "Things jump out at you, like the dogs, and kill you. Some monsters, like the chainsaw man, can kill you with one shot."

Before Integra could do anything Seras stepped into the middle of them. "Alright, now I've seen Resident Evil, but I've never seen Silent Hill," she said. "So, since I can see you have the Silent Hill movie, why don't I watch it with you and I'll figure out which one is scarier. How about that?"

Alucard and Integra turned their backs on each other. "Fine by me," they both said.

"This is going be real fun," Seras muttered sarcastically. She had to sit between Sir Hellsing and Alucard. "Tell me, is this going be like Saw and Saw II? Is it?"

"Oh, just shut up and watch the movie," growled Alucard.

The movie was scary, for Seras. She flinched at every demented human. What scared her the most was the Pyramid Head. Especially, when Pyramid Head ripped the girl's skin off like it was nothing. Near the end of the movie, she closed her eyes and covered her ears. "No, not the police woman," she muttered as the police officer in the movie was set on fire.

As the credits rolled, Integra sighed. "It was a great movie until the end," she said. "The ending wasn't like the game at all."

"Whatever," said Alucard. "So, Police Girl which is scarier?"

Seras was shaking. She look over at him then exploded. "I DON'T KNOW! I can't tell! Pyramid Head, the nurses, that dude in the bathroom or the cult leader! It doesn't matter! I'm going to need therapy for this movie! Why did I volunteer for this," she cried. She got up off the couch, "I don't want to answer that question!" She ran out of the room screaming.

Integra and Alucard watched Seras go crazy and run away. The two of them watched the credits until it went back to the menu. Alucard then grabbed the remote. "Let's watch it again," he said.

"Watch what again," asked Pip who was in the door way.

"Why, hello Captain," said Sir Hellsing. "Why don't you come over here and help us with a little problem we have. I promise you don't have to do much, just watch this movie with us. What do you say?"

Pip shrugged. "Sure, I have nothing better to do," he said. He walked over and sat down between Integra and Alucard.


	12. To dress like Dante

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own Sailor Moon or the Village People

Editor Cain: Thinking out loud Say, if Alucard is bi and you're his _little sister_ does that mean…

Alucard's little sister: Hey! I'm not part of the Story so keep your thoughts to yourself! (Note this chapter is extremely late and they're behind by a few days) Anyway, a few people have wondered how Pip faired from the last chapter. Well, let's find out.

Pip: shaking I'm never watching Silent Hill again. It's a bit too disturbing for me.

Integra: Sweet. In your face, Alucard!

To dress like Dante

"I can't wait for Halloween this year," said Alucard. "Saw III is coming out. More demented violence."

Seras rolled her eyes. "Great, another reason to avoid the movie theatres for a while," she said. "By the way, why the hell are we in this expensive Halloween costume Store?"

"Because I feel like wearing something different for a few days," said Alucard.

Seras wandered around and found something. It was Dante's costume form Devil May Cry 3. "Hey, Master, I dare you to dress like Dante," she said.

Alucard walked over to her with something behind his back. He had a mischievous smile on his face. "I'll do it, if, when we go on missions, you wear this," he said. He held out a Sailor Uranus costume.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said darkly. She sighed and grabbed the costume. "Ok, fine, but I'm only going to wear it until it gets cold."

**One hour later**

Integra was playing Kingdom Hearts when the phone rang. "Yes, what is it," she asked. "Yea, all right I'll get my expert vampire hunter on that." She pushed the button on her phone for the basement. "Seras Victoria and Alucard come up to my office immediately!"

"You wanted to see me, Sir Hellsing," asked Seras a few minutes later.

"Yes, I want you to…HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?! Did you lose a bet or something," cried Integra. "Man, I don't know what's worse, that new outfit you're wearing or that police uniform you normally wear," Integra sighed. "All right, where's Alucard? I need to talk to him, too."

Alucard walked though the wall. "I'm right here, my master," he said. "What's going on? Is there a vampire attacking people some where?"

Poor Integra was to shocked to say anything for a while. Alucard looking like Dante of Devil May Cry 3, only reminded her of the time she walked in on him when he had nothing on but a towel on his head. A bit of blood dripped from her nose. "Look, there's a vampire terrorizing a village on the 'border' of us and Section XIII," she said covering her nose up. "I want you to go over and stop him before Anderson gets there, got it?"

"Sounds like fun, come Police Girl, er, I mean, Sailor Uranus," he laughed as he left.

Seras crossed her arms. "Man, I can't wait to get out of this stupid thing."

**At a random abandoned factory**

"Run away," cried one vampire sarcastically as he looked at Seras. "What are you going to do to me, Sailor Scout? Use your magic love beam or something?"

Seras smiled. "No, just this little old thing," she said. Then she pulled her giant cannon from behind her back. "Good-bye." She blew him up, then sighed. "I really hate wearing this."

"You didn't say the line, you're no fun," said Alucard in her head. "Stay there and get rid of the ghouls. I've got the rest of these losers."

Alucard ran after one of them down a hallway to an emergency exit. "You can't get away from me," said Alucard. "For I am Dante!"

The vampire ran into another room. Alucard ran after him and right into Anderson. To Alucard's surprise Anderson was dressed up for Halloween. "Anderson…are you really wearing tights," Alucard questioned.

"Yes," Anderson said proudly. He was dressed like Link. "Real men wear tights. That dress Integra wore reminded me of that game. Well, what are you dressed as? Some kind of Playboy?"

"I'll pound you for that," growled Alucard. "I'm Dante from Devil May Cry!"

Anderson shook his head. "Sorry, never heard of it."

The two of them heard Seras laughing. "I see the Village People are missing some of their singers." With that, she fell over laughing.


	13. To do another Hellsing Idol

Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own the Beatles, BNL (Bare Naked Ladies), Muse, Jack Johnson, Nintendo, and Xbox

Alucard's little sister: Since the holidays are here (I'm behind sorry), I thought I'd just do another Hellsing Idol-like a holiday party. I wonder if I should have Integra get a PS3.

Editor Cain: Oh please, $600 for a system that won't be worth that in 15 years. I'd rather have a hole drilled into my head.

Integra (grabs a power drill): That can be arranged.

Editor Cain: I shouldn't have said that (runs off)

To do another Hellsing Idol

Alucard was 'hanging' Santa up in a window when Integra grabbed him and pulled him into her office. "Alucard, normally, right now, I'd ask you 'why the hell are you hanging Santa with a noose', but there are more important matters than permanently damaging young minds," said Integra.

"I'll say," said Alucard. "'Cause you'd hit me over the head with something by now for hanging Santa. You know he's not real, right?"

She hit him with a silver paper weight. "Of course, I know he's not real! That bastard never gave me what I wanted! A shotgun! All he gave me was a pony!" She took a deep breath. "Never mind that, we have a problem. The queen wants us to have a party with Section XIII, here."

"Joy to the world," said Alucard sarcastically. "So, what do you have in mind?"

"Well…actually…."

**At the big holiday party**

"Hello, everyone," said Josephine standing on stage in the backyard. "And, welcome to another Hellsing Idol!"

"That's right," said Amie, standing next to Josephine. "And, this time we have Sir Hellsing, Alucard, Maxwell, and Alexander Anderson performing… Non-Christmas songs! The winner will get to chose between an Xbox360, Playstation 3 or a Nintendo Wii! Now, Josephine, who's first?"

"First up to the chopping block…err…I mean stage," said Josephine. "It's Maxwell of Section XIII!"

Maxwell slowly walked over. Some of the people of Section XIII clapped for him. He took a deep breath. "Ok, here I go," he said. He started singing:

_Joan was quizzical, studied pataphysical_

_Science in the home_

_Late nights all alone with a test-tube_

_Ohh-oh-oh-oh..._

_Maxwell Edison majoring in medicine_

_Calls her on the phone_

_"Can I take you out to the pictures_

_Joa-oa-oa-oan?"_

_But as she's getting ready to go_

_A knock comes on the door..._

_Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer_

_Came down upon her head_

_Clang, clang, Maxwell's silver hammer_

_Made sure that she was dead_

Anderson crossed his arm. "I knew he was going to do that," he muttered to Alucard. He's so boring…hey, what are you doing?"

"Just reading over my lyrics for the song I'm going to sing….and pouring lighter fluid on Santa like Integra told me to."

"And why does Sir Hellsing want you to that, vampire?"

"Oh, that's easy," Alucard said putting a piece of paper away. "She's going to set him on fire."

Anderson took a step back from Alucard. "I don't think I want to know why she wants to do that," he said.

"Good Job, Maxwell," said Amie as Maxwell left the stage. "Ok, our next singer is…Sir Hellsing, leader of Hellsing!"

Sir Hellsing calmly walked over to Amie. "My song was technically sung by a guy…alright?"

"There's no rule against it, so go for it," said Amie, then she left the stage.

Integra took off her glasses and put them in her pocket. "This is for Alucard…and Seras…sorta." She then started to sing:

_It's bugging me, grating me_

_and twisting me around_

_yeah i'm endlessly caving in_

_and turning inside out_

_'cause i want it now_

_i want it now_

_give me your heart and your soul_

_and i'm breaking out_

_i'm breaking out_

_last chance to lose control_

_yeah its holding me, morphing me_

_and forcing me to strive_

_to be endlessly cold within_

_and dreaming i'm alive_

"I don't know you, Alucard, but I'm getting a chill running down my spine," said Seras. "Maybe it's the song. She's creeping me out."

Alucard smiled evilly. "It may be a bit creepy. After all she's trying to creep the both of us out and that means I'm going to try and creep her out." He started laughing and he walked away.

Seras looked over at Anderson. "Sometimes I don't know who's scarier you or him."

"Uh…that would be that vampire you call Master," said Anderson.

"That was great, Sir Hellsing," said Josephine. "We're just moving right along to…Alexander Anderson!"

Anderson walked up on stage. "Alright, it may be a little childish, but I don't care because I can't think of anything else." He started to sing:

_Who's to say_

_What's impossible_

_Well they forgot_

_This world keeps spinning_

_And with each new day_

_I can feel a change in everything_

_And as the surface breaks reflections fade_

_But in some ways they remain the same_

_And as my mind begins to spread its wings_

_There's no stopping curiosity_

_I wanna turn the whole thing upside down_

_I'll find the things they say just can't be found_

_I'll share this love I find with everyone_

_We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs_

_I don't want this feeling to go away_

Alucard crossed his arms. "Yep, that song is of kids. Well, lest it's not a Christmas song," he chuckled.

"Be nice, Alucard," said Maxwell. "Unlike you, vampire, he works with kids every day when he's not trying to kill you."

"Nicely done, Anderson," said Amie. "And, of course, last but not least…Alucard!"

"I'm scared," said Seras to Integra as Alucard walked on stage. "He told me he had a song that would creep you out."

Alucard smiled. "That's right, My Master, this song should scare you," he said. He started to sing:

_I'm in the drink for love_

_And want to drink your love_

_Swimmin' a swim in the suds_

_I want to drink your blood_

_Up like a rocket, down like the rain_

_Back and forth like a choo-choo train_

_I have a secret that just won't keep_

_All I wanna do is brush your teeth_

_Butterfly kisses_

_And the taste of delicious_

_I'd like to sip the sap from your tree_

_And the honey in the tea_

_Dripping amber drips_

_Patiently_

Integra's glasses fell to the bottom of her nose and her jaw dropped. "I…can't believe what I'm hearing! A soft song from him! Is he high or drunk?"

"If you ask me," said Seras. "I'd say both."

Alucard's little sister: Here we go again. You get to vote on your favorite. This is longer than the last one.

Editor Cain: (still running from Integra) Your votes are a real help. I'd love to stay and chat, but I got to run for my life!


	14. To play a game and announce the winner

Disclaimer: See last chapter

Alucard's little sister: ThisissoexitingIcan'twait, Iambouncingoffthewallsrightnow!

Integra: Whoa! Calm down what's going on?

Editor Cain: Oh, just that Hellsing vol. 8 is coming out July 4th 2007, according to play a game (and to announce the winner)

After doing his normal rounds, Walter once again found everyone staring at the envelope with the winner's name in it. "Oh, boy here we go again," he muttered.

"I wonder who it is," said Maxwell. "But…I don't have a letter opener so…I'm not opening it."

Integra crossed her arms. "Well, I don't give a damn about who won," she said. "I just don't feel like opening it."

Seras rolled her eyes. She grabbed the envelope. "I'll open it." She ripped the envelope open and cleared her throat. "Ok, the winner is…no way!" She got up and walked over to Walter and showed him.

"Amazing, do you want me to say it?" Walter asked and she nodded. "Very well, the winner is Alucard, then Anderson, next is Sir Hellsing and last is Maxwell."

"Yes!" cried Alucard. "Err, I mean…Wii!"

**Two days later**

Walter was just about to start the day's routine when Alucard grabbed him. "Say, Walter…you do the same thing over and over," he said. "Why don't you do something different….in fact, why don't you blow off the routine and come and play a Wii sport with me."

"I don't know...Sir Integra would be mad at me if I did that," he said. "And, besides I'm bad at video games."

Alucard nudged Walter. "Come on, it will easy and fun…I dare you."

Walter sighed. "If you take the rap for it then…I guess I could give it a try."

"That's the spirit!"

Integra was reading the morning paper given to her by Seras. She reached for her morning cup of tea, but found nothing. She closed the paper noticed, there was no tea on her desk. "Walter," she called out. No one came. "WALTER!" she snapped. Again he did not come. She drummed her fingers. "Seras Victoria, come in here now."

Seras walked in slowly. "Yes, Sir Integra," she said. "What is it?"

"Go find Walter, he's not doing his work." She opened her newspaper. "Get going and make sure he's not dead."

"Y-y-yes, right away," she cried and ran off. She ran to Walter's room but found he was not there. She then ran to the kitchen, then outside, and then to the training room. She looked at the stairs to the basement. "This is the one place I haven't looked," she said. As she came closer to Alucard's favourite spot she heard a computer say 'nice shot'.

"Aha," said Alucard "I'm in the lead now."

She found Alucard and Walter playing a Wii sport game. She was shocked at the sport. "Golf! You two are playing golf!?"

"Shhh!" hissed Alucard. "It's Walter's turn and he likes quiet."

Seras panicked. "Sir Integra is going to kill me!"

"Sir Integra will not kill you," Walter said flatly. He started to practice his swings. "Just make some tea for her and maybe come back down to play golf with us." He swung the Wii controller.

Seras shook her head. "No way," she said. "Golf is for old people. I'll just go make tea for Sir Integra." She ran up the stairs.

"Darn it," said Alucard said after Walter got an Eagle. "Best two out of three."


	15. To go Bowling

Disclaimer: See last chapter

Alucard's little sister: Sorry for the wait. (I bought the Wii and have been making Mii of Hellsing). I don't know what else to say

Editor Cain: Maybe that the summer was busy and you seemed to be doing two things at once.

Alucard's little Sister: Well, that works too. And, before I forget, I used a quote from Mythbusters.

* * *

To go bowling

"You know you're going to lose," said Victoria as she watched Alucard play baseball on the Wii. "That Matt guy as two runs more than you."

"Shut it," he snapped. He was up to bat. "The bases are loaded and I'm up to bat. I'm going to knock it out of the park and win this game!" He got a foul ball.

Seras laughed. "Oh, please, you have two strikes and two outs already," she snapped. "You're never going to make it."

"Shows what you know," he said. He swung the remote and the ball went out of the park. "Yes, I did it! Now all I have to do is stop him from getting any more runs."

Meanwhile, upstairs, Walter gave Integra her tea and the paper. He handed her a letter. "It has the seal of the queen on it, so I figure you'd want to read it first."

"Thanks, Walter," said Integra. She read the letter from the queen. She had to read it again out of shock. "Oh, no." She grabbed the phone.

Back at the Wii, Seras started laughing at Alucard. "You lost," she mocked. "So, much for that homerun thing."

"Thanks for your support," Alucard growled. "I'm going to try again and win this time."

"No! Ahhhhh," cried Integra. "Not that!"

"Well, you heard her," said Seras, "You've been playing too long. I want to play now."

Alucard rolled his eyes and tossed her the Wii remote. "Fine, here, just don't hurt yourself like last time. I've got to go see what Integra's screaming about." He sighed. "It better not be over a stupid review."

"Sweet, let's play ball!"

As soon as Alucard entered Integra's office she hit him with a silver paper weight. He looked down at it and then put his hand over his wound. "Something must really be bad 'cause I haven't said anything and you hit me."

"It's all your damn fault," she snapped. She threw a silver dart into his head. "The queen heard about that rubber duck incident. So, she wants us to spend time with Section XIII. We have to go bowling with them."

Alucard shrugged. "All right then," he said with no enthusiasm. "Just let me know when we're leaving."

"You're missing the point here! I hate bowling," she snapped. "It's a game for old people."

"Ah, you big baby," he said and disappeared.

**At the Bowling Alley**

"You missed again," Maxwell said. "You suck worse than Sister Mary and she's blind!" He started laughing.

_If I didn't have to b__e nice I'd pound him_, Integra thought. She kept getting gutter balls. "Damn it, I hate this stupid game!"

"Don't say that," said Yumiko. "You just need more practice that's all. I bet you'll do better next round."

_Damn it_, Integra snapped, _how the hell did I wind up play__ing__ boys vs. girls bowling!_

"Uh, Integra, you're scaring the other bowlers," said Seras nervously. She grabbed Integra's shoulder. "Please, Sir Hellsing, try to clam down."

Integra pulled away from her. "Where's Alucard? I hope he's doing as bad as I am."

"He's up right now," said Anderson. "He seems to be popular, too." He pointed to a group of high school girls.

She took one look at his score and freaked out. "What the hell! It's all X's!"

"That's right," said Alucard after he bowled another strike. "I'm a pro. Before you say anything, the answer is no. I am not using special vampire powers."

"Then, how are you doing that," she demanded.

Alucard smiled stupidly. "Wii sports. I kept trying to tell you that you could practice bowling on the Wii, but you didn't listen. It's fun when you get the hang of it."

"I hate you."

Alucard laughed. "Yeah, that's what your mom said."

**Thwack!**

Integra hit him in the head with a bowling ball. "You're right about one thing. Bowling pins over is fun."


End file.
